


My Night Sky

by PricklyTrash



Category: Fire Emblem Heroes
Genre: Depression, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, M/M, Male Summoner | Eclat | Kiran, References to Depression, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:33:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25397710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PricklyTrash/pseuds/PricklyTrash
Summary: Kiran still has trouble facing the demons of his past and is afraid that they'll win again.Honestly, this could really be easily read as them being good friends. It's mostly just Kiran trapped with his inner demons.
Relationships: Alfonse/Summoner | Eclat | Kiran
Comments: 1
Kudos: 8





	My Night Sky

Fists clenched tightly against the sheets of the bed, pulling them closer to himself. He curled up as much as his body physically could, as though it'd somehow make the darkness of the room less suffocating. The shadows mocked him, laughing at every tear that fell down from his eyes at every little sob that could no longer contain itself. His body trembled from the weight of his emotions, trying to smash him down into the mattress, devoured by the bed itself. He wouldn't have minded. In this moment, anything to stop his heart from twisting and writhing in agony. The thoughts that raged inside his broken mind dragging him further and further down... Down, down, down... Til he was drowning in the sea, his breath taken and the crushing pressure breaking his ribs, strangling his throat, damaging him beyond the pieces he already was. 

Memories. That's all they were. Times in the past, moments that no longer held weight on the present. Except, they did. They haunted him. Tortured him. How many mornings had he woke to with his voice gone, chest heavy, and soul scratching at itself, just to distract the agony with a different pain. Once upon a time, he had done what that soul could never accomplish, branding anything remotely sharp, digging it into skin. No one had ever noticed the scars he created himself, as they blended well to the ones already there. Even if they had, it's not like they'd have cared. Even if they bothered asking, it's not like he could explain how actions to them. He probably didn't deserve them. Then again, maybe he did. It felt like he did anyway. 

He was foolish to think that just because he had been transported to a different world that he'd escape his demons. That this new location could bring some sort of comfort, or that he'd at least be left alone to himself. But, that's exactly what they were waiting for. To pounce when he was alone, when no one could distract him from himself. It didn't matter that this bed wasn't his own, it didn't matter that real magic dwelled within this land... The demons would always find him. And they would always win. He was in this battle, unarmed, and alone against a horde of monsters that physically could do no damage, but they sure as hell could rip him to shreds from the inside, pulling his hand to harm himself in their stead. 

The temptation to bring steel to skin grew with every claw scraping at his heart. With every word his mind recalled, with every strike they did upon him... Sticks and stones... Sure felt better than the words they left behind. The betrayal that had been lashed out, the disgust in their faces... He could see them as clear as day. 

The harsh cold of when he was cast away. Alone. With nothing to save him from the pouring rain. With no one to guide him to shelter. 

Maybe it had been that loneliness that made him such an easy target. A lost soul begging for any kind of affection, even if it was all wrong. To have someone to speak with, even as they lead him to the slaughter. 

Hell had been too good to him.

The path he had been directed down was a land of fake pleasure that always dragged him further down. He felt he was soaring high, only to realize he was falling. The temporary fixes, losing himself into nothing, trying to escape everything. But, any time he put those vile chemicals past his lips, it was just another nightmare to haunt him later. A new demon in the army that vowed his death. 

Sweet words, empty promises kept him there. Bound him with a lock and chain and he, himself, held the key, but was too damn stupid to realize it. Even as they dug deeper, breaking his bones, bruising his skin... Even as that key was polished, dangling right in front of his eyes with a sign telling him to use it. He could unlock himself, nothing is keeping his arms tied but his own foolishness... He never grasped it. The signs all pointed that out wasn't getting better. Voices urging him, trying to pull him to the exit, but he dug his heels in. All because it was just easier to lose himself. To pretend those words had meaning. That the hands that hurt him were actually caring, that every touch meant something. That he wasn't just being used. 

And now, he was having one hell of a time trying to convince himself he wasn't just being used again. That these people wouldn't just toss him to the side the moment he was no longer needed. No longer of use. That the light they provided was only going to cast more shadows, eagerly awaiting to swallow him whole. 

But, what it they were kind. What if they meant everything, that they enjoyed his company, that they wanted him to stay with them, even well past his use... What if he could be happy here... 

Could he handle it if it was all taken away from him? What if he didn't have the choice to stay? What if he fell asleep and woke up back in that horrible prison, in the arms of his tormentor, the placed he continued to drown himself in more poison. Or, what if he found himself back on that street, clothes drenched from the rain, the darkness cornering him in an alley where they continued their cruel games. He wasn't sure what would be worse... But, he did know one thing.

He wouldn't be able to pick himself back up either way. To have such a wonderful dream, than to wake in a harsh reality. Sure, perhaps there was an Askr in his world. A place with friends and a light that would continue to guide him, shine down onto him and embrace him with such warmth... Would he ever be able to find it? Or would the demons find him before he could and finish their torture, putting an end to his miserable existence... Or maybe the loneliness and heartbreak would beat them to it? 

Through the blurriness of his eyes, a sliver of light crept past the curtains. It's silver beam seemed to be reaching out to him, begging him to grasp onto it. The moon was calling out to him, a mother trying to guide her child to take it's first steps. Just like that child, he flexed his fingers towards it, the tips just brushing the lunar dust. Disappointment settled in, then foolishness. There was no helping him. No light could pull him from this darkness. 

It would be his coffin. And those demons would be more than eager to pile on the dirt to weigh him down, burying him forever. 

But, he didn't stop gazing at the light. Desperation settled in. Hope. 

"I don't want to wake up..." He spoke softly, voice breaking as the demons grasped his throat, squeezing it to silence him. 

'I don't want to leave...' A simple prayer, a simple thought, but the weight presented itself within him, adding to the pressure. His eyes stung, feeling heavy from spilling out everything. Had he ever felt so tired before..? His hand collapsed back into the mattress with an audible thump, his fingers falling away from the light. He was too tired, too worn to keep it there. To keep reaching for something that felt so far away. It was the damn key all over again. Dangling itself right in front of his eyes, except, this time when he actually wanted to grab it, to unlock those chains holding him down, he was too weak. He was pushed too far away, the key so tantalisingly close that he could just feel the cold metal brush against his skin, but he could never hold it. As it'd brush, he couldn't help but think of another metal, one so much closer to him. So much sharper... One that could pierce his flesh and have him bleed out to appease the demons, to give them a taste, to have them crave more. They needed their fix, after all... He knew the feeling of craving, the sweet relief when given... But then you just want more. And you sink even lower. 

He shut his eyes, feeling more pathetic than ever. He was away from it all, hadn't touched any of it for some time... Yet the temptation was still there. Which one was stronger though? To lose himself in the poison, or to bleed it out? 

A sob broke put, cutting the silence like the knife in his thoughts. He could easily picture the blade creating a new pattern to his skin, leaving a mark that may, or may not fade with time. It just at depends on how deep it'd cut. How much pressure he placed on the handle... How much blood the demons wanted to indulge themselves in. 

When he opened his eyes, he was greeted with his open palm, fingertips pointed towards the ceiling. He gazed at the moonlight that pulled itself into his hand, the particles laying themselves onto his skin. Carefully, slowly, he curled his fingers around the light, the beam slipping past them and instead lying on top of a clenched fist. Although the room was cold, biting at every exposed part of him, the light felt warm compared to it all. He unfurled his hand, letting it drape back over his palm. 

A knock had him jumping out of his skin, the sound so sudden and so loud compared to the silence. He recovered his hand away from the moon, placing it over his mouth in case his emotions tried to break out. His breath hitched, ears strained to listen beyond the wooden doors, where another gentle tap sounded. 

"Kiran..?" A voice drifted through the darkness, the demons hissing at the intrusion. But, he dared not answer back, afraid of the thoughts that'd spread after being exposed. After revealing how weak and helpless he was. They counted on him to direct him in battle, how would they react if they find out he couldn't even lead himself? 

"Kiran... Are you okay..?" His eyes drifted back to the moon peeking through the cracks of the curtains. 

"May... I come in?" Reaching out to him beyond the darkness. Pushing past the shadows just to touch his hand... 

A soft sigh, one of defeat, one that held sorrow... And footsteps walking away. 

The silver light fading away, reeling itself back into the night sky, away from him. 

"Wait!" He had shouted, body picking itself up just so he could reach forward towards the moon before his mind could process what he did. His hands flew to his mouth, shocked at his outburst, his plea. The steps had stopped just outside, silence falling. 

Did he continue to remain in the silence... To let the shadows consume him once again and continue to play their torturous game on him? Would he place on a mask, instead, feigning a smile and pretending everything was okay? 

"Kiran..?" 

Or... Did he let the night sky lead him away from this? To have the moon reach back down to him... 

"Please... Don't go..." He could feel his eyes stinging, voice breaking from the plea that wisped put of his lips, sending the words back up to the moon. "Don't leave me alone..." 

Then, the light returned, squeezing through the drapes to caress his face instead. They stroked his cheek, brushing away the raindrops that tricked down, leaving behind a warmth in their wake. A gentle touch, one that didn't wish to travel downward, one that refused to drag him further down into the shadows. It was only a nudge, but he fell into it, fresh rain pouring at the relief. It didn't stop his pain, it didn't make him forget of the monsters that were still lurking... But, it was enough to let him know he wasn't alone. He turned away from the night sky, only to be welcomed by his moon. One that was within his reach, one that held out his arms, but didn't press forward, simply waiting for him to make the decision. 

To grab the key. 

To unlock himself. 

To move forward. 

He fell into those arms with a cry, curling into the embrace that had so much warmth and love that it actually hurt. But, in a different way he was still not accustomed to. It didn't inflict damage like the knife, it didn't carve into his soul... It was the medicine being placed over the wound to help it heal. 

He allowed it all to spill out, every tear, every cry that he held in, letting it all go, so the love and affection could replace it instead. It wouldn't stay, he knew that, but... The medicine could always be applied again. It'll take time for the cuts to heal, some won't go away at all... But, he could at least press on. 

"I'm here." Alfonse whispered, leaning his head against his, fingers trailing through locks, while his hand pressed against Kiran's back, keeping him close. 

And that's all he needed to hear. So he wanted to hear. All that he needed... 

To not be alone anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, howdy, hey! Prickly here and I was actually able to write something! Got inspired by a song and couldn't help but imagine if the Summoner had a rough life before coming to Askr. 
> 
> Was but actually inspired by the song up above, but that one fit with the tone more. Was actually inspired by the Addict music video from Hazbin Hotel. Please give it a listen, it's so good! But, be wary as the video features violence, drugs, sexual themes, and some sensitive material. But, I do recommend it! The song is good, the animation amazing, and I'm addicted to the song, lol. You can find it on YouTube! Also, if you don't know it haven't checked out Hazbin Hotel... What are you doing? Oh! And watch till the very end of it! 
> 
> Might also have been inspired by some real life events... Not my own, but someone close, who sadly is no longer close. Not dead, just... Someone who didn't reach out to the moon when it held out it's hand. 
> 
> I actually have several different Kirans in regards to my stories... If I ever even finish/post/bother to write them. Hard to say with me anymore. This will also be on Wattpad! Anyway! Hope you so enjoyed and thanks for reading! Love you all! ^w^


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